In this commercial, Keyz plays a triple part to sell a "wiping assistant" tool.

Script Edit

(knocking on door)

Carol (distant): Hey, Earl? What are you doing in there? You been in there for a half hour!

Earl: Yeah, and I've been wiping for 20 minutes! I've been through a roll and a half of toilet paper and my ass still isn't clean!

Announcer: Does this sound familiar? Sure, we have all had that experience. You keep wiping and wiping until your sphincter is raw and swollen, and you still can't get yourself clean. Well, Awful Show Industries has taken the initiative to tackle this problem once and for all. Get ready to try...

The Ass Squeegie!

The Ass Squeegie is a rubber squeegee designed and shaped specially for posterior. Simply start at the taint and pull the ass squeegee upward for a clean wipe time and time again. The vulcanized rubber surface is double coated with Teflon making it easy to wipe clean.

Don't flush your money down the toilet wasting roll after roll of toilet paper. Use the Ass Squeegie.

(flushing toilet)

Carol: Earl! You've only been in their 10 minutes!

Earl: Yep! Thanks to the Ass Squeegie, one wipe and I am done. Heh!

Carol: That's great, Earl! Now if you could just do something about the smell! hah-hah-hah!

Earl: hah-hah! Ahhh, Carol. You're too much! hah!

Announcer: Heh. Remember folks, that name again is the Ass squeegie. It wipes up the competition!

The Ass Squeegie!

Available at all Left-Aid, Ackerd, VCS and Fred's Ass Shack locations.

Notes of Interest Edit

  • Left-Aid, Ackerd and VCS are parody names of drug stores Rite-Aid, Eckerd and CVS, respectively.