FANDOM


In this commercial, Keyz offers an alternative to religion.

Script Edit

Announcer: Did you know that people who go to church waste an average of 2 hours of their time per week?? In an average lifetime, that's like sitting unproductively for almost an entire year! You wouldn't willing do that, but as long as you follow organized religion, that is exactly what you're doing! That's just one of the reasons you need to try...

Atheism!

Atheism is a religious choice that just make sense. But don't take my word for it let's hear testimony of people who have improved their lives through Atheism.

Woman: When I was going to catholic mass, I was kneeling and standing so much, the cartilage in my knees was almost completely worn away. It was so painful to walk, I almost needed a wheelchair. But since I've become an atheist, my knee cartilage has grown back and I can walk pain-free day after day. Thanks, Atheism!

Announcer: Atheism is so easy, it is almost ridiculous. All you need to do is stop believing in God, Jesus, Mohammad or whatever mythological deity you have been fooling yourself with. Was it so hard to come to terms with the fact that the Easter bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus weren't real?? Of course not!

Man 1: I was unhappily married to a troll of a woman for over twenty years, and since my religion forbade divorce, I was helpless to change my situation. But since I've renounced my faith, I was able to dump that old bat and now I'm free to bang all the hookers I want! Thanks Atheism!

Announcer: Some might tell you that Atheists all go to hell. But recent studies have show that hell doesn't actually exist! This is a common misconception who's time has passed. Thanks to atheism, you won't have to worry about spooky tales of supreme beings concocted in an effort to keep you from doing what comes naturally.

Man 1: The bible said thou shall not kill and for years I followed those exact words. But since the day I told God to go fuck himself, I'm free to follow my life long goal of being a serial killer. Thanks, Atheism!

Announcer: It's time for a wake up call people. You've seen how other people's lives have improved. Now it's your turn! Let Atheism lift the burden of behavioral control off of you and give you the freedom to just live! Atheism! Because you only live once. Seriously!

For more information on Atheism, visit crucifythis.com.

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.