In this commercial, Keyz sells a vaginal fitness spray.

Script Edit

Ladies? Has having kids taken a toll on your netherregions? When you have sex, is it like putting a pencil in a garden hose? Are you capable of parking an early model Toyota Corolla in your bitch barrel? Well, we have got the solution for you. From the maker's of O. L. Factories New Pussy Smell and Penis Colada comes...


Cuntstrictor is a feminine spray that narrows the vaginal canal and returns the elasticity lost after child birth. Keigel exercises are hard to do and can take weeks to have an effect, but the Cuntstrictor spray begins working instantly. Simply attach the applicator, insert it into the vagina, spray, hold for 60 seconds and quiff out the excess. Your vagina will have the same size and resilience it had before you expelled your little twat droppings into the open air. But Cuntstrictor isn't only for breeders. If by some cruel twist of fate you ended up with a needledick boyfriend or husband, you can avoid the embarrasment of asking him to take enhancement supplements. Cuntstrictor easily changes any average vagina into one of Asian proportion. Yes, ladies. No matter what your inner diameter may be, you can shrink it down with Cuntstrictor.


It turns your floppy feline back into a snappin' pussy!


Available at all Greenwall's, Rong-Aid, Dreker and Fred's Snatch Shack locations.

Notes of Interest Edit

  • Greenwall's, Rong-Aid, and Dreker are parody names of drug stores Walgreen's, Rite-Aid, and Eckerd, respectively.
  • This commercial is one of several somewhat direct expressions by Keyz of his stance that women should stop having children.