In this commercial, Keyz (as Fireman Fred) promotes his colonic irrigation service.

Script Edit

Howdy, y'all! This is Fireman Fred and I want to let y'all know about a new place I'm openin' up. It's called...

Fireman Fred's Colon Cleansing Clinic!

Since I've been retired from the VFD, I've been looking for new ways to put my hose tending skills to use. After hearing about this whole colon cleansing trend goin' on in California, I figured "What the hell!" Why not blend the two. Turns out it was the perfect match.

Now I know some of y'all may be a little apprehensive about new things, but lemme tell you, when it comes to colon cleansing, the patented Fireman Fred technique is quicker and more thorough than conventional cleansing methods. We just set you up on the gurney there, have you spread your cheeks and fire away.

(sound of fire hose, man hollering and crashing into bedpans)

I tell ya; when it comes to cleaning out toxins and other nasties in the colon that are making you feel sluggish and worn out, nothin' does the job like a regulation fire hose. Sure it takes a little gettin' use to, but after the first 30 or 40 times, you won't know how you got along without it.

So do yourself a favor. Stay away from those spas an' other places for your irrigational needs and come down to Fireman Fred's.

(sound of fire hose, woman screaming and crashing into bedpans)

Fireman Fred's Colon Cleansing! - It's a blast for yer ass!

New Fireman Fred's Colon Cleansing Clinic opening this weekend in Boston, Los Angeles, New York and Osh Kosh. Look for our coupon in this Sunday's paper.